


The Trash Compactor

by Nysonia



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alcohol, Emetophobia, everyone is gay and/or trans except my beautiful sweet token straight named coran, i love these kinds of fics so i made one, keith and lance have an established relationship, pidge is agender and aro/ace, rest in pieces my mustachioed friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-07-28 19:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7653607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nysonia/pseuds/Nysonia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>shirolebeouf: lance did you or did you not post a tweet calling our boss 'a disgrace to earth'<br/>armstrong: i dont think u have the evidence to support that statement big guy<br/>shirolebeouf has sent the image: receipts1.png<br/>armstrong: i want a lawyer</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. #1 Daddy

**Author's Note:**

> Group chat time!! Enjoy living the casual life of voltron characters complete with workplace rivalries. They all work in a place that sells life insurance called Garrison Brothers Incorporated even though not all of the characters are from the garrison *eye emoji*
> 
> STRONGLY inspired by Hamsquad™ by rescuemechinboyandshowmethestars. I love that fic and if you like Hamilton you should definitely read it!!

_You have entered the group:_ ‘ **the trash compactor** ’

 

 **armstrong** : guess whos back and better than ever

 **pidgeotto** : r u gonna say that every time u start group chat

 **armstrong** : what are u like twelve

 

_**pidgeotto** has left the conversation_

_**armstrong** has added **pidgeotto** to the conversation_

 

 **armstong** : SORRY PIDGE I COUDLNT RESIST

 **pidgeotto** : this family is so toxic

 **pidgeotto** : TOXIC

 **hunkules** : did you have something you needed to say lance???

 **armstrong** : nah, nothing important

 **armstrong:** just that I got a promOTION

 **armstrong** : EAT MY DUST MULLET BOY

 **pidgeotto** : actually speakin of mullet boy

 **pidgeotto** : where is keith? he hasnt messaged us all day

 **pidgeotto** : nd when i passed his office earlier he wasnt there

 **hunkules** : i think i saw him this morning getting coffee but i. actually dont remember if that was real or not????

 **alluring** : Congrats, Lance! I'm happy to hear you got the promotion!

 **armstrong** : THANK you, for paying atetntion to the blood sweat and tears i put into gettnig this promo

 **armstrong** : nice to #expose my #fakefreinds

 **pidgeotto** : ........anyway

 **armstrong** : pidge im on my way to ur office RN we clearly have unresolved tension

 **hunkules** : please dont say it like that lance...

 **armstrong** : are u looking for some tension too hunk my guy?

 **hunkules** : hey wHOA back up dont drag me into this

 **shirolebeouf** : I came into chat to congratulate Lance and I find this???

 **shirolebeouf** : please calm down. like, all of you.

 **shirolebeouf** : except you, allura. you're good.

 **pidgeotto** : allura just did her laugh

 **pidgeotto** : u kno the one

 **armstrong** : the Suburban Mom™ giggle?

**pidgeotto** : yup

**armstrong** : i lov that onee

**alluring** : Stoooooppp, you guys are embarrasing me!

**pidgeotto** : its tru, shes blushinf

**armstrong** : living up to the username, i see

**alluring** : STOP IT LANCE

**nonepizzawithleftkeith** : who woulda thought that lances flirting would ever work on someone

**hunkules** : ah, the true secret to finding the elusive keith

**hunkules** : give him an opportunity to insult lance

**shirolebeouf** : you two are dating?

**nonepizzawithleftkeith** : ur point?

**shirolebeouf** : doesn't that mean his flirting worked on you too?

**armstrong** : okay first of all,

**armstrong** : @ keith vete a freír espárragos

**armstrong** : SECOnd of all,

**armstrong** : i am known to be quite the casanovsa

**twintwin** : I'm going to have to ask you to calm down the messages

**twintwin** : I'm in between meetings and my phone didn't stop ringing throughout the last one

**pidgeotto** : turn off notifs???

**twintwin** : But then I don't get to be in the conversation :(

**hunkules** : oh my GOD WE'RE ALL MONSTERS

**hunkules** : IM SORRY CORAN U DONT DESERVE THIS

**twintwin** : :')

 

_               You have entered the conversation  _ ' **the trash compactor** '

 

**shirolebeouf** : alright who was it

**armstrong** : uhhhhh

**pidgeotto** : i suddenly remembered i have somewhere v v important to be

**hunkules** : omg what happened???

**alluring** : I assure you it wasn't me?

**pidgeotto** : ur literally perf allura what r u even worried abt

**hunkules** : youve never done anything wrong before allura????

**armstrong** : im glad we all agree that allura is Most Pure™ and we are undeserving

**alluring** : I'M LEAVING YOU ALL ARE TOO NICE

**shirolebeouf** : as much as I love Allura and admit she is a literal angel, we have a problem here

**armstrong** : look i dunno waht it is but its keiths fault i swear

**nonepizzawithleftkeith** : wtf the fuck dude

**armstrong** : im not taking the fall for u

**nonepizzawithleftkeith** : I DIDNT DO ANYTHING DUMBASS

**armstrong** : SOUNDS LIKE A CONFESSION TO ME

**nonepizzawithleftkeith** : DO U EVEN LISTEN TO URSELF 90% OF THE TIME

**shirolebeouf** : ENOUGH MY GOD

**armstrong** : .....soorry

**nonepizzawithleftkeith** : sorry shiro

**pidgeotto** : its like workin with toddlers

**pidgeotto** : or dogs in heat

**hunkules** : P I D G E

**shirolebeouf** : I'm certain it was probably Lance, but I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt

**armstrong** : im sorry whAT???????????????????????????

**hunkules** : S H I R O

**twintwin:** You have to admit you are the source of many wrongdoings in this company. :/

**armstrong:** i trust u gys.,..,,... i give u my love,,...,.,,. and this is how u repay me????? >??

**shirlebeouf:** okay then. Lance, did you get me a mug that says #1 Daddy?

**pidgeotto:** omg lance u didnt

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** YOU ACTUALLY DID THAT??? I THOUGHT U WERE JOKING WHEN U SNAPCHATTED ME THAT PIC

**armstrong:** uummm my momma said i gotta go home rihgt now immediatelyy

**hunkules:** ohh my god im dying!!!!!

**pidgeotto:** i mean the mugs not wrong tho

**hunkules:** OHH MY GOD IM DYING!!!!!

**alluring:** I don't understand?

**alluring:** We joke about you being the Dad Friend all the time, right?

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** lnace you made this mess, explain to allura why the mug is so funny

**armstrong:** ....... so u admit it was funny

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i never said that

**armstrong:** its???? right there???????? you said it right here, in group chat, in front of everyone???????

**pidgeotto:** idk what ur talkin abt lance i dont remember that

**hunkules:** yeah, i dont remember that either??? source pls

**armstrong:** i hate u guyhs so much

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** get on with it dude. we're waitng.  


**armstrong:** i cant ruin allura like that.

**armstrong:** shes Most Pure™

**shirolebeouf:** youve made your bed, now lie in it

**armstrong:** only if ur with me ;)

**shirolebeouf:** keith

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** on it

**armstrong:** waht are u guys talkign about???

**armstrong:** ur silence scares me

**armstrong:** OW HOLY SHIT KIETH UJST CAMEE TO MY OFFICE ADN SLAPPED THE SHIT OUTTA ME

**pidgeotto:** #relationshipgoals

**hunkules:** pidge do me a favor and NEVER date anyone bc u have awful taste????????

**pidgeotto:** u come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, nd u kinkshame me

**hunkules:** you dont get to have kinks when youre ace pidge!!!!!

**armstrong:** let! them! have! kinks!

**hunkules:** lance youre the kinkiest of all

**hunkules:** you got shiro a daddy mug

**armstrong:** LET! THEM! HAVE! KINKS!

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ur just tryng to distract us from ur sins

**armstrong: LET! THEM! HAVE! KINKS!**

**alluring:** I still don't understand the significance of the mug...  


**twintwin:** I, too, am lost. ://///

**shirolebeouf:** Lance....

**armstrong:** im suprised yuo wanna tell her shiro

**armstrong:** how could you defile her like that??

**hunkules:** seriously lance... dont say it like that!!!!!!!!

**alluring:** Oh my...

**hunkules:** ???

**alluring:** Pidge explained the difference between 'dad' and 'daddy'...

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** oh god

**twintwin:** Oh, come on you guys!  >:0

 

              **alluring** >>> **twintwin**

 

**alluring:** It's a sexual thing, Coran. Apparently some people enjoy being called or calling others 'daddy'.

**twintwin:** Please tell me that's a cultural thing and not worldwide.

**alluring:** Pidge says "you can't escape the daddy kink" so I think that means it's an international crisis.

**twintwin:** That is truely alarming. :0

 

              _You have entered the conversation_ ' **the trash compactor** '

 

**twintwin:** Never mind, I'm good!

**hunkules:** ??????????????

**shirolebeouf:** anyway, I'm on my way down to talk to you Lance

**armstrong:** im sorry what

**shirolebeouf:** I think we need to have a serious chat about workplace etiquette

**pidgeotto:** #draggt

**armstrong:** it was just a mug!!!

**shirolebeouf:** right. except that Zarkon just _happened_ to walk by and notice the mug this morning. you think he's letting that one go?

**pidgeotto:** LMFAO U DED SON

**armstrong:** I CNNANOT BELEIVE THIS MIERDAAAA

**armstrong:** IMM FFUCNKIG DYINGG

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i can confirm he is laughing loud enough for me to hear down the hall

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** the laughing abruptly stopped i think shiro arrived

**hunkules:** i can confirm shiro is here and lecturing quietly but firmly

**pidgeotto:** deets pls

**hunkules:** i can only hear little bits but the phrase 'moral obligations' has been said upwards of three times???????

**hunkules:** also lance is like. giving shiro puppy dog eyes and batting his lashes a lot

**pidgeotto:** the fool. that only works on dumbasses like keith

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ok rude. im not giving you back your phone charger

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i didnt expect that to scare pidge so much but they just showed up at my desk with chocolate

**hunkules:** dude where'd you get chocolate so fast??????

**pidgeotto:** like im tellin u

**hunkules:** R00D

**armstrong:** i always get so sad when shiro lectures me

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** if you hate it so much, stop being a shitty brat

**armstrong:** oh honey........ sweatie............. :) 

**twintwin:** I'll never understand your relationship.

**pidgeotto:** literally no one does

**hunkules:** true. every time i think i get it, they change again?????

**shirolebeouf:** Lance, the next time you pull anything even _remotely_ similar to this stunt, I'm giving Keith overtime for a week.

**armstrong:** daaaaaaaaaaaaad nooooooooooooo

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** lance i s2g i will END you if i have to work overtime for ur mildly entertaining pranks

** armstrong: ** MILDLY?????

** armstrong: ** M I L D L Y ? ? ? ?

** nonepizzawithleftkeith: ** do u want to come over tonight or not.

**armstrong:** <3 tu eres la caña <3

** nonepizzawithleftkeith: ** th __ats what i thought

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I forgot to translate the spanish phrases please forgive me my friends-  
> vete a freír espárragos- it means 'go fuck yourself' but not literally (it's basically go fry some asparagus)  
> mierda- shit, in this case it's more like 'holy shit'  
> tu eres la caña- you're the best
> 
> (i only know like.... España spanish so even though i'm a fan of brazilian or cuban lance y'all are getting spaniard lance)


	2. The 'Hell Week' Chronicles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings in this chapter: mentions of drinking, partying, and one quick reference to puking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FRIENDLY NOTE also maybe a spoiler but its like the first few lines: pidge and allura aren't dating, they're QPPs. i didn't want to describe it in the fic itself bc it kinda made the convo drag. :/ Also Hunk and Pidge live together! In my head, Hunk and Pidge have been long-distance friends that meet up occasionally since high school or so, and Hunk and Lance were best friends in college so the three of them hang out a lot now that they all work in the same place. 
> 
> I also like to envision Hunk and Lance going around to various job hunts at the same time and being like "I got a job!!" "SICK ME TOO" and then discovering it was at the same place on accident.  
> Pidge didn't even mention they were working there until Lance needed IT help and Pidge was the one who showed up to help like "I've been working here for 6 months where have you been"

_You have entered the chat:_ ' **the trash compactor** '.

 

 **hunkules** : pidge im not gonna be home tonight so youre gonna have to make your own food

 **pidgeotto:** k

 **hunkules:** i mean it pidge. MAKE FOOD.

 **pidgeotto:** ok

 **hunkules:** if i come home and dont find a mess in the kitchen, were gonna have problems.

 **pidgeotto:** O K

 **armstrong:** that suonds like the exact opposite of a problem????? yall are wild

 **alluring:** If Pidgey doesn't have constant reminders, they forget to take care of themselves.

 **pidgeotto:** dooooooonnntttt call me pidgey in gc pls

 **alluring:** Why? Do you not like it when I call you Pidgey? I can stop.

 **pidgeotto:** thats.

 **pidgeotto:** not the point.

 **armstrong:** ohhhhh my gooddddd could yall be any more pda in here

 **armstrong:** get that outta my face

 **pidgeotto:** u nd keith call each other names all the time

 **armstrong:** no we dont

 

_**pidgeotto** has sent the image: lanceypoo.png_

 

 **armstrong:** he called me that ONE TIME

 **twintwin:** It seems like it happens a lot more than that... :/

 

 **_pidgeotto_** _has sent the image: prettyboy.png_

 

 **armstrong:** im feeling attacked

 **hunkules:** waIT SHE CALLs YOU PIDGEY?????????????

 **pidgeotto:** can we not

 **hunkules:** IM PASTING THAT ALL OVER OUR APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i think its cute.

 **armstrong:** .........

 **hunkules:** ..............

 **twintwin:** ......

 **pidgeotto:** ...............

 **alluring:** ............

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** what??

 **armstrong:** weve been dating for two years and uve never called anything cute before

 **armstrong:** NOT EVEN ME

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i call it like i see it

 

_**armstrong** has left the conversation_

 

 **pidgeotto** : get rekt son

 **hunkules:** SAVAGE

 **shirolebeouf:** why am I always late to the fun parts of chats and only get here in time to scold you all?

 **hunkules:** because youre our dad

 **alluring:** No, no more dad anymore, not after the mug thing last week.

 **hunkules:** but moooooommmmmm

 **alluring:** No buts.

 **twintwin:** So you're okay with them calling you 'mom'?

 **alluring:** OMG I didn't even notice!

 **pidgeotto:** truly meta

 **hunkules:** shut it pidgey

 **pidgeotto:** when i get home im gonna rearrange everything in the kitchen cabinets

 **pidgeotto:** gl feeding me tomorrow

 **hunkules:** DONT YOU DARE YOU LITTLE GREMLIN

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** wow go pidge that sounds hilarious actually

 **twintwin:** Is no one going to add Lance back into the chat?

 **shirolebeouf:** Im still bitter about last week so no

 **pidgeotto:** bitter dad is fave dad

 **alluring:** Pidge, no dad jokes

 **pidgeotto:** I cant make the dad jokes

 **pidgeotto:** only dad can

 **alluring:** PIDGE

 **hunkules:** yeah pidgey watch it or youll be in the doghouse

 **pidgeotto** : call me pidgey one more time

 **hunkules** : what are you gonna do about it pidgey?????????

 **pidgeotto:** thats it

 **pidgeotto:** hunk u asked for this

 

 **_pidgeotto_** _has added **armstrong** to the conversation_

 

 **pidgeotto:** lance, care to share the spring break videos?

 **armstrong:** A LA MIEEEEEEEEEEERRRDDDAAAAA

 **armstrong** : GATHER ROUND KIDS DO I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU

 **hunkules:** LANCE DONT

 

 **_armstrong_** _has sent the image: how-bout-i-do-anyway.png_

 

 **hunkules:** LAAAAAAANCE COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **armstrong:** let me set the mood for you my friends

 **armstrong:** hunk and i became rlly fast friends during our first year in college and ended up living together later, so we spent like a lot of time together during college

 **armstrong:** since i had a lot of family rlly far away and he had a lot of family rlly far away, we decided to make a spring break road trip instead of spending money on fligths home

 **armstrong:** so we were just gonna drive to florida and soend the week there and get CRUNK and then come back to our regularly scheduled programming and i think hunk took it a bit too serisouly because he got reeeeeaaaalllllyyyyyy messed up while we were there

 **armstrong:** EXAMPLES OF WHAT HAPPENED DURING WHAT WE HAVE COME TO CALL 'HELL WEEK'

 **armstrong:** he was dating this rlly cute boy at the time that was rlly shy, it was adorable but not really a serious relationship yet. hunk got hella drunk on the beach and texted him this dumb joke "i coud never put a pricetag on you because youre too WORHTLESS" with worthless all in caps and everything. he didnt realize he meant to put priceless and not worthless, then passed tf out and i didnt notice him getting a bunch of texts but the boy thought that joke was hunks way of breaking up with him and then took his silence as a definite yes on the breakup and blocked his number and ignored him as soon as we got back

 **twintwin:** :(((

 **alluring:** That's awful!

 **armstrong:** another time we went to this party, and whoever was mixing drinks was making them sTRONG like HELLA STRONG and even i got pretty messed up we had to stay the night at this dumb house. anyway, everyone was hanging out in the garage and there was a pole in the middle as a support beam and he got all buddy buddy with this other totally smashed dude, and they were hilARIOUS. the other guy (i think his name was kermit?? idk man i was drunk) kissed a DIFFERETN] guy just to get another beer, and then someone told hunk to take off his shirt and at first he was like "noooo id never thats bad" and then as soon as everyone was like "ok no big whatever" he immediately c hanged to "alright yall r wild if you say so" and took off his shirt and danced all over the pole and kermit (?) did the same

 

 **_armstrong_** _has sent the video: getithunk.mov_

 

 **hunkules:** LANCE OH MY GOD DONT SEND THE VIDEOS TOO

 **armstrong:** i had to chase him down and put his shirt back on for him because he really liked having it off

 **armstrong:** then later that night he flop;ped on the ground in the kitchen while kermit (???) threw up in the sink and started doing situps? and asked me to take a video to send to his boyfriend (the one that thought hunk dumped him) because he "wanted him to know that situps are good"

 

_**armstrong** has sent the video: getithunk2.mov_

 

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ok but why are there markings all over him?

 **armstrong:** they had one of those mail stamps with your address on it and he wanted a tramp stamp but also since his shirt was already off again he let kermit (?????????) put them all over his face and body

 **shirolebeouf:** and why was his shirt off again?

 **armstong:** idk man he was crazy that night i had to put it back on him like four times

 **hunkules:** IN MY DEFENSE VODKA AND DR. PEPPER DONT MIX WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **armstrong:** i drank more than you  tío and i was fine

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** vodka and dr. pepper? really?

 **armstrong:** eh it wasnt that bad after the first few

 **armstrong:** BUT WAIT THERES MORE

 **hunkules:** dont tell the pants story

 **armstrong:** im telling the pants story

 **hunkules:** i hate you pidgey and you too lance

 **armstrong:** we went to another party on the edge of town the night before we were gonna leave and it was like a bonfire thing in the woods it was really cool and fun

 **armstrong:** so first of all: hunk wouldnt stop trying to jump over the fire for whatever reason and i really thought h wasnt gonna make it a couple times

 **armstrong:** andyway everyone knows at this point that if you break the seal theres no stopping how often you need to pee

 **armstrong:** that means hunks walking to edge of the clearing to pee all the time and i would go with him to hold a light so he could see and stuff and he did the same for me

 **armstrong:** i didnt drink very much this time because i had to drive th e next day and he still got hammered af so towards the end of the night we go to the trees to pee and im just standing there waiting for him to finish up

 **armstrong:** and after like five mins he looks over his shoulder and really seriously says "i cant pull up my pants" so i had to pull up his pants for him

 **armstrong:** just to clarify: he was wearing elastic basketball shorts. there is 1000% no reason why he couldnt pull up hs pants idk what happened

 **hunkules:** is embarrass hunk hour over yet

 **armstrong:** ......almost

 

 **_armstrong_** _has sent the video hunkandhisfriends.mov_

 

 **alluring:** What is he saying?

 **hunkules:** SERIOUSLY LANCE SOTP WITH THE VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!!!

 **armstrong:** hes talking to the trees

 **armstrong:** he gave them three names and made them his friends

 **twintwin:** Is he saying'I love you' to one of them?

 **pidgeotto:** he says "doug, ur perfect nd i love u. larry, its so nice ur dougs brother. gerald, ur just a dick"

 **hunkules:** ARE YOU HAPPY NOW PIDGE

 **pidgeotto:** meh

 **armstrong:** honestly still my fave week ever

 **hunkules:** lance is the best drunk because hes just himself except he sings really well and loudly

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i can confirm theres a lot of singing but also flirting and dancing

 **hunkules:** i hate all of you for letting lance expose me like that

 **hunkules:** this is why i dont drink with you guys anymore

 

 _You have entered the conversation_ : ' **the trash compactor** '

 

 **pidgeotto:** k im rlly hungry and hunks not cookin for me who wants to get pizza

 **armstrong:** M E

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** im in

 **alluring:** Why don't we get a bunch of food and watch that new movie at my place?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** which movie was that again?

 **twintwin:** It's the one directed by the guy who made The Royal Tenenbaums

 **hunkules:** !! oh yeah!!!!!

 **hunkules:** now im not gonna get to see it :/

 **alluring** : If it's good I'm sure we'll watch it again.

 **pidgeotto:** hunk we can watch it later

 **pidgeotto:** allura will u buy the food

 **alluring:** of course

 **armstrong:** allura is the best Sugar Mama ™

 **alluring:** ........... I have a feeling that's kind of like 'daddy' and I don't think I like it.

 **armstrong:** it just means u buy all olf us stuff

 **alluring:** Oh.

 **alluring:** Then yes, I am the best Sugar Mama ™

 **shirolebeouf:** don't encourage him, Allura

 **armstrong:** but daaaaaaadddddddddd

 **twintwin:** Let's not start that again :///

 **pidgeotto:** i call snugglin with shiro

 **armstrong:** WHAT

 **armstrong:** YOU CANT DO THAT

 **pidgeotto:** just did

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** youd rather cuddle shiro than me?

 **armstrong:** youd rather cuddle me than shiro?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** you have a point

 **alluring:** Who's going to cuddle me then?

 **armstrong:** D I B S

 **twintwin:** But if Allura's taken, who am I going to cuddle?

 **pidgeotto:** dont be dumb coran ur in the middle of everyone

 **twintwin:** :')))))

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance's spanish:  
> a la mierda- kind of like saying 'oh my god' really dramatically in english??? it basically means 'FUCCCKKKKK'  
> tío - it literally means uncle but it's sort of like slang for 'dude'
> 
> I like to think Coran feels out of place a lot since he's older and not really best friends with most of them and everyone else just tries to make him see that they love him too.
> 
> Also, all events of the Hell Week are true stories, believe it or not. (None of them happened to me, I was the one taking the videos lmao) I have been to some weird parties in my day, but the one I threw at my house was so ridiculous I couldn't even fit half of the stuff in this fic. Maybe it'll pop up in later chapters


	3. Revelations 21:1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then I saw "a new heaven and a new earth," for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.
> 
> Revelations occur (mainly for Lance) and a new character is introduced :0
> 
> (This chapter has literally nothing to do with the bible, don't let the title fool you)

              _You have entered the conversation:_ ' **the trash compactor** '

 

 **shirolebeouf** : keith dont forget that Im leaving early today, so leave your report on Adams Corp on my desk before you go today

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yeah ok ill remember

 **shirolebeouf:** thank you

 **alluring:** why are you leaving early today?

 **shirolebeouf:** I ahave to go to Hunk's place to replace the drive belt on his car!

 **alluring:** you can do that?

 **shirolebeouf:** it's not as hard as you think.

 **hunkules:** did allura just. type in lwoercase?? 

 **hunkules:** IS THIS REAL IS SHE FINALLY CHILL

 **armstrong:** im so proud of my girlfriend :')

 **armstrong:** not to step on ur toes, pidge

 **pidgeotto:** im fine with it but u might wanna take it up with her REAL gf??

 **armstrong:** im sorry

 **armstrong:**  WHAT

 **armstrong:** since when r u dating somebody?!?! i feel so betrayed

 **armstrong:** mi novia,,.... una embustera...,,,,,......

 **hunkules:** shes been dating nyma for like. two weeks now lance.

 **armstrong:** i m  s o r r y

 **armstrong:** W H A T

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** also you have a boyfriend

 **nonpizzawithleftkeith:** just throwing that out there?

 **armstrong:** keith i love you but hush, theres a serious problem right now like ALLURA has a GIRLFRIEND that i did not KNOW ABOUT

 **shirolebeouf:** allura i forgot to ask you when you two went out the other night, how's all of that going?

 **alluring:** pretty good! she's a delight to be around, although a little rambunctious. we had a lot of fun bowling. (especially since I won)

 **twintwin:** I think I'm the only one out of the rest of you to have met her, but I quite liked her too. She seems sweet underneath all that....... whatever you call her personality.

 **alluring:** she can be a little rough at first, yes.

 **hunkules:** i am so proud of you, growing up, throwing grammar out the window, getting a girlfriend, a job...

 **alluring:** I'm five years older than you, Hunk.

 **hunkules:** LET ME BE PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!

 **armstrong:** so everyone knew but me

 **twintwin:** I think you'd like her, Lance.

 **twintwin:** From what I hear, she can be a lot like you.

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** didnt you and i talk about it once? i feel like we did

 **armstrong:** WE MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT

 **armstrong:** i think id remember having myy heart BROKEN into little pieces

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** should i even bother talking to you

 **armstrong:** ill give you attention in a minute let me be dramatic first

 **pidgeotto:** when we went out for pizza the other night we asked her if nyma was coming

 **armstrong:** oh her name is nyma

 **armstrong:** thats actually kinda cute

 **armstrong:** send me a pic

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ive never seen her either send a pic

 

            _**alluring** sent the photo: lockscreen.png_

 

 **armstrong:** ayyyy que preCIOSA

 **alluring:** Thanks Lance :)

 **armstrong:**  alluras just rollin in the babes.... shes got pidge, nyma, herself....

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** do you even remember that i exist

 **armstrong:** ur such a drama queen

 **armstrong:** always demanding myy attention like this

 **armstrong:** its embarassing keith

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** .......... allura do you wanna go out with me tonight instead

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i WAS gonna take lance to his favorite soda shop but i guess he doesnt want to

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i should probably raise my standards anyway

 **armstrong:** que te folle un pez

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** im sorry, i only speak american

 **armstrong:**  te voy a dar tremenda gallETA SI NO TE CALLAS LA BOCA

 **armstrong:** ERES COREANO

 

           _**nonepizzawithleftkeith** has sent the image: mmmblockingoutthehaters.png_

 

 **pidgeotto:** i love this side of keith

 **pidgeotto:** this is the side that helps me steal from the vending machine

 **hunkules:** youre doing WHAT pidge???????????

 **pidgeotto:** do u want a snickers hunk

 **hunkules:** NO I DONT ACTUALLY

 **hunkules:** I WASNT AWARE ALL OF YOUR SNACKS FOR ME WERE LADEN WITH SIN

 **shirolebeouf:** Pidge you cant steal from the company

 **pidgeotto:** ):

 **shirolebeouf:** unless it's for me. then it's ok

 **pidgeotto** (:

 **hunkules:** shiro i trusted you to be on my side in this

 **hunkules:** allura??

 **alluring:** Hunk, we're QPPs. Pidge and I sit in my office with STASHES of chocolates that they steal

 **hunkules:** coran???????????

 **twintwin:** Sorry, Hunk. Pidge always wins me over with pretzels when I think about tattling.

 **armstrong:** what kinda grownass man calls turnign in a thief tattling

 **alluring:** By the way Keith, I would love to go out with you. :)

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** great ill pick you up at 7

 **armstrong:** keeeeeiiiiiiitttttthhhhhhhhhh

 **alluring:** sounds great. what should I wear?

 **armstrong:** keeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHH

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** casual? idk its not fancy or anything

 **hunkules:** pidge go steal me some popcorn

 **pidgeotto:** literally on it

 **shirolebeouf:** Pidge.

 **pidgeotto:** ):

 **shirolebeouf:** grab me some too

 **pidgeotto:** (:

 **armstrong:** STOP WITH THE BACKAWRDS SMILEY FACES THIS IS SERIOUS

 **pidgeotto:** ):

 **twintwin:** Grab me some pretzels while you're there!

 **alluring:** won't pidge look suspicious carrying all of that food?

 **pidgeotto:** theyll just think i bought all that food

 **alluring:** fair. grab me some chocolate!  <3

 **armstrong:** im trhowing up no more pda

 **shirolebeouf:** you were JUST begging for Keith's attention.

 **armstrong:** mm, beside the point. irrelevant.

 **pidgeotto:** STOP QUOTING THAT VIDEO

 **armstrong:** NOO. UH-UH

 **pidgeotto:** i hate the fact that u know every line from that video.

 **pidgeotto:** anyway, movin on, allura isnt nyma workin tonight

 **armstrong:** ur such a lil imp

 **pidgeotto:** >:O

 **alluring:** yes!! she's got late shift, which is why I was free and available to go out with someone

 **alluring:** boy, I'm lucky Keith snatched me up like that

 **alluring:** I couldn't imagine going out with anyone else

 **hunkules:** PIDGE WHERE IS MY POPCORN

 **shirolebeouf:** retweet

 **armstrong:** i lost two datemates in one night..................

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** really? all i lost was a child

 **hunkules:** holYY SHIT COULD YOU HEAR THE INDIGNANT SQUAWK HE MADE

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** THATS what that awful noise was??

 **twintwin:** I'm so happy I have my own office... how do you people work in those cubicles?

 **shirolebeouf:** there are days that I'm sad I don't work on the same floor as you guys

 **shirolebeouf:** this isn't one of them

 **alluring:** I'm very sad I don't work on the same floor today

 **pidgeotto:** im fine in my nook with allura like

 **pidgeotto:** wtf yall talkin abt

 **alluring:** is it okay if I add nyma to the chat?

 **alluring:** it's a bit hard to have a conversation with her and all of you at the same time. I keep sending her the wrong messages!

 **shirolebeouf:** sure!

 **hunkules:** ^

 **armstrong:** ^

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ^

 **twintwin:** ^

 **pidgeotto:** ^

 **alluring:** ok cool! thank you!

 

           _**alluring** has added **primanyma** to the chat_

**alluring:** everyone introduce yourself!

 **pidgeotto:** its pidge. u know me

 **armstrong:** hi, im lance ;)

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** im keith

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** you know, lances boyfriend. in case he needed a reminder???

 **armstrong:** oh shut up and go on ur date with allura

 **hunkules:** putting aside their petty drama, im hunk!!!

 **shirolebeouf:** I'm Shiro, hopefully you won't let Lance scare you away

 **armstrong:** SHIRO

 **armstrong:** YOUD TREAT YOUR OWN SON LIKE THIS

 **primanyma:** Heyyyyyyy

 **primanyma:** she talks about y'all a lot, so I already know a little bit about you guys

 **twintwin:** Hello again, Nyma! It;s me, Coran!

 **primanyma:** YO CORAN HOWS IT HANGIN

 **twintwin:** Hi!! I'm good, how are you??!!

 **primanyma:** ehhhh same ole same ole

 **armstrong:** i approve already

 **primanyma:** ohhhh right!! i recognize ur name now.lance!! the flirt

 **armstrong:** the one and only ;))))

 **primanyma:** i always pictured u a lil more fuckboi and a lil less cute

 **armstrong:** OH MY GOD ALLURA I LOVE UR GF

 **alluring:** I can already tell the two of you will be trouble together...

 **primanyma:** >:)

 **armstrong:** >:3c

 **primanyma:** oh my goooddddd i love this guy

 **primanyma:** i call u as my new partner in crime lance

 **armstrong** : #blessed #godisreal #grateful

 **primanyma:** and shiros the workout partner right? or was that keith

 **shirolebeouf:** yeah, Allura and I are gym buddies!

 

         _**alluring** sent the photo: swolemates.png_

 

 **armstrong:** i suddenly remebmered how not straight i am

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i wish i could pretend to be mad at that but like... same

 **hunkules:** ALLURA UR HAIR IN A PONYTAIL IS

 

         _**hunkules** has sent the photo: goodshitop.png_

 

 **alluring:** thanks Hunk  <33333

 **primanyma:** her hair is 99.99999% of the reason im dating her tbh

 **pidgeotto:** i dont blame u

 **shirolebeouf:** ok!! I'm heading off to Hunk's house!!

 **shirolebeouf:** if I don't reply in a couple hours im having cookies with his neighbor

 **pidgeotto:** if u eat all mrs. nielsens cookies well never be freidns again

 **shirolebeouf:** since u got me a candy bar, ill save u some :)

 **pidgeotto:** (:

 **armstrong:** stOP WITH THE BACKWARDS SMIELYS

 **hunkules:** smielys

 **pidgeotto:** ):

 **primanyma:** anyway im on late shift and its dead allura pls stop by after work.

 **primanyma:** bring ur friends they seem fun

 **alluring:** Keith, take a rain check on our date?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** done

 **alluring:** ok, we'll be there Nyma!!

 **primanyma:** <3

 **alluring:** <3

 **primanyma:** see yall there

 **shirolebeouf:** I'll come over after fixing Hunk's car, but expect me to be a little covered in grease

 **armstrong:** looking forward to it ;)

 **shirolebeouf:** keith

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** on it

 **armstrong:** nO WAIT IM SORRRY DONT HIT ME

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lance's spanish: mi novia, una embustera- my girlfriend, a liar (but not like... a serious kind of liar? i mean this word can be used seriously but when me and my friends used it it was more like calling someone a fraud really dramatically)  
> ay que preciosa: how precious (but the word preciosa is more like. gorgeous???)  
> que te folle un pez: I hope you get fucked by a fish  
> te voy a dar tremenda galleta se no te callas la boca: I'm going to give you a huge cookie if you don't shut your mouth (I'm gonna hit you really hard if you don't shut up)  
> eres coreano: you're korean


	4. Buff Mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> videos referenced: https://vine.co/v/OLH6MKEOeuP and https://vine.co/v/Mx96u9Z3eVi

              _You have entered the chat_ : **'the trash compactor'**

 

 **armstrong** : guess whos back and bettet than ever

 **hunkules:** those sausage wraps arent the only thing you gon see twice

 **armstrong:** ITS YO GIRL T. LETS GO

 **pidgeotto:** hunk how could u stoop so low

 **hunkules:** ok come on pidge, the videos funny!!!!1

 **hunkules:** maybe not AS MUCH anymore because lance has beat it like a dead horse but

 **pidgeotto:** its just

 **pidgeotto:** its so lance that it hurts

 **armstrong:** E X A C T L Y

 **alluring:** I actually thought some of her other videos were funnier.

 **twintwin:** My favorite is the one where she sings about shaving!

 **alluring:** I'm partial to the female coach one, myself.

 **shirolebeouf:** you sent me that one! that was both funny and scarily accurate, you're right

 **alluring:** my coach always made us run apaches if we didn't dive for the ball in practice...

 **alluring:** and then we'd do suicides if the libero missed ANY receives

 **twintwin:** I went to many of her games! She was a frightening woman.

 **alluring:** and she always played her daughter more than Hailey, and Hailey was so good! it was enfuriating.

 **twintwin:** She wasn't even a good coach. She was actually rather bad, now that I think about it.

 **armstrong:** allura pleeeeeaaaasssseeee tell me you have pics of you playign volleyball i NEED them

 **hunkules:** i know she does!! pidge showed me one once bc they thought she could possibly bench press them

 **pidgeotto:** i still think she couldve

 **alluring:** are you implying that I couldn't now?

 **pidgeotto:** well ur biceps dont look as scary anymore

 **alluring:** meet me in the break room.

 **pidgeotto:** im literally right here

 **alluring:** Shiro needs to videotape, duh!

 **armstrong:** MIERDA

 **armstrong:** I AM SO READYY FOR THIS

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i think she could probs bench shiro too, honestly

 **armstrong:** MY TINY GAY HEART COULDN'T TAKE THAT

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** how can you act so straight and yet be so gay

 **armstrong:** ~*~b i s e x u a l i t y~*~

 **hunkules:** lance's identity crisis aside, you have to videotape both of them bc im downstairs and cant come watch!!!!!!!

 **twintwin:** I, too, can't be there. Send me the video!

 **shirolebeouf:** I'm definitely posting this in chat don't worry

 **shirolebeouf:** lance be the lookout for bosses

 **armstrong:** thats pretty much my life tbh

 **shirolebeouf:** i know. I'm not proud of it, but i know.

 **alluring:** I'm here, let's get down to business

 **pidgeotto:** lance dont

 **armstrong:** TO DEFEAT THE HUNS

 **armstrong:** im touched that you knew and offended that you didnt aprove

 **pidgeotto:** hunk, she already benched me 10 times

 **nonepizzwithleftkeith:** but we should tell you that it was effortless and she could have kept going for hours

 

              _ **pidgeotto** has sent the image: barbell-selfie.png_

 

 **alluring:** I was wondering what you were doing on your phone, that's a surprisingly good pic!

 **hunkules:** ok but pidge weighs like 15 pounds so they dont really count

 **armstrong:** hOLY SHIT HUNK I WISH YOU COULD BE HERE

 **armstrong:** SHES SO BUFF HUNK

 

             _**shirolebeouf** has sent the video: proof1.mov_

_**pidgeotto** has sent the video: buffmom.mov_

 

 **alluring:** buff mom. really???

 **pidgeotto:** it fits

 **hunkules:** ^

 **armstrong:** ^^

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** watching that was probably better than the olympics?? why are you here and not there

 **alluring:** because I have left my time with sports in the past.

 **armstrong:** OH YEAH pics of volleball

 **alluring:** right! give me a second.

 

              _ **alluring** has sent the image: actionshot.png_

_**alluring** has sent the image: blockingface.png_

 

 **alluring:** that second one isn't as glamorous as I'd like but let's face it, there aren't really good photos of volleyball players in action.

 **hunkules:** i have this good one of me playing sand volleyball in college!!!!!!

 

           _**hunkules** has sent the image: pwned.png_

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** you look so badass in that pic oh my god

 **armstrong:** I LOVED BEING FRIENDS WITH HUNK bc hed always go outside and play sand volley and everyone locved him and, by extension, loved me bc i met freinds through him

 **hunkules:** i met most of my friends freshman year through sand volleyball!!!

 **armstrong:** yeah adn you got 7 girls numbers the first weekend we weree there

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** how many did you get lance

 **armstrong:** three!! and one guys number

 **hunkules:** (((they were his calculus study group)))

 **armstrong:** HUNK STHU UP

 **hunkules:** well the girls were. the guys number was real but he ended up being reaaaaaalllllyyyyy weird so it didnt work out

 **armstrong:** oh my god i remebmer ray. i mean he was pretty chill but

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** who wouldnt want hunks number honestly

 **pidgeotto:** esp when hes all shirtless and tattooed like that

 **hunkules:** <333333

 **hunkules:** you flatter me

 **armstrong:** the first week of school was the bessstttt like free shit day?? LAZER TAG???? plus we got to run around in the stadium

 **hunkules:** and its when we met

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yall didnt meet up before u moved in together?

 **hunkules:** nahhhh we lived too far away so we didnt bother

 **twintwin:** That seems awkward. I lived at home during college, thank goodness.

 **pidgeotto:** same i commuted

 **shirolebeouf:** I hated my roommate freshman year but after that I lived in suites so it didn't matter

 **armstrong:** hunk and i couldve conquerdd the world

 **hunkules:** ok except we were a mess for a long time

 **pidgeotto:** hunk texted me 24/7 sayin he had no idea where anything was

 **hunkules:** it was a big campus!!!!

 **armstrong:** ok. stor ytime.

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** nooooooooooo

 **armstrong:** yes now shut up and listen

 **armstrong:** hunka dn i were roommates our first year at uni

 **armstrong:** nand like. we had just met a coule days before pretty much?? we werent that close yet and we had super different schedules first semester

 **armstrong:** anyway

 **armstrong:** one day hunk parked in the east lot which is like 3 blocks away from anything important on campus?? its in the boonies, by all the sorority and frat houses and a couple of weird rec buildings that no ones allowed to use?

 **armstrong:** so hunk parks out there and texts me saying he did so, and that hed be back at his car around 4 because we were gonna go grab some dinner somewhere and bond

 **armstrong:** so 4:00 comes around and i didnt get a text or nothing so im standing in the east lot like 'DUDE WHERE AR EYOU' with no responses. i mustve texted 5-10 times

 **armstrong:** all of a sudden i get a call from hunk and hes like' IDK WHERE I AM I GOT LOST IM WALKING ON SOME WEIRD SIDEWALK BY SME APARTMENTS THERES A POWER PLANT UP AHEAD AND THE SIDEWALK ENDS IDK IF IM EVEN ON CAMPUS ANYMROE' and im tryna calm him down so i can find out where tf he is

 **armstrong:** and its about 99 degrees out with a heat index of like 120 degrees

 **armstrong:** finally i get him to look at his phone map and he tells me hes walking the wrong direction and he passed W street when his cars on goddamn R street and i spent 15 mins on the phone tryna give him directions but honestly? i had no clue where he was and i thought we were making it worse

 **armstrong:** so i told him to stay where he was and walked in circles like 4 miles to go find him and when i did he was only a block away from the parking lot where i started but he had gotten heat exhaustion and passed out in the shade under this twig of a tree with like three leaves on it because he didnt have any water and it was already past 5:00

 **armstrong:** i didnt know at the time whether he had heatstroke or not and i tried to pick him up and carry him to the nurses office which was thankfully only a couple blocks away but hes just sO HEAVY and it didnt work so i ended up dumping the last of my water bottle all over him and he came to spluttering and kicked me in the shin SO HARD that i fell on my ass and twisted my ankle

 **armstrong:** long story short, 2we both had to go to the nurse in the end and he was fine but dehydrated and i had to wear an ankle brace for a week A N D we didnt even get food that night smh

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i wish i could say i was surprised

 **shirolebeouf:** retweet

 **pidgeotto:** awh. look at dad tryna be hip

 **alluring:** PIDGE. no more dad.

 **pidgeotto:** ):

 **armstrong:** stop with the crrepy ass backwards smiley faces theyre agaisnt nature

 **pidgeotto:** /:

 **armstrong:** thats it. im coming upstairs u whippersnappre

 **pidgeotto:** id be scared if u could spell

 **armstrong:** SHUT UP IT WAS ONE TYPO

 **twintwin:** I lose track daily of how many typoes you make, Lance.

 **armstrong:** im honestly feeling so attacked right now?

 **pidgeotto:** smh

 **armstrong:** oye meapilas at least i use real words and ovwels

 **armstrong:** *VOWELS

 **armstrong:** DMAN IT

 **armstrong:** D A M N I T

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** just type like that all the time

 **armstrong:** l i ke t h i s

 **alluring:** ah, you've already messed up

 **armstrong:** e v e n a l l u r a l o s t h e r f a i t h i n m e

 **hunkules:** ok i dont like that anymore its hard to read

 **armstrong:** i d o n t t h i n k i t s h a r d t o r e a d a t a l l

 **hunkules:** STOP!!!!!!

 **hunkules:** look what you did keith

 **twintwin:** It is rather confusing. Perhaps periods between letters would be better?

 **armstrong:** y.o.u.r.e r.i.g.h.t t.h.i.s i.s b.e.t.t.e.r

 **hunkules:** NO ITS NOT!!!!!!!

 **pidgeotto:** looks like spy code

 **armstrong:** :0

 **armstrong:** i.t d.o.e.s

 **armstrong:** i.m h.u.n.g.r.y

 **armstrong:** code: l.e.t.s g.e.t f.o.o.d

 **hunkules:** im game

 **pidgeotto:** just come to our place and well get pizza

 **alluring:** by 'we' you meant 'allura', didn't you?

 **pidgeotto:** ofc thanks allura

 **alluring:** you're lucky you all are cute

 **shirolebeouf:** i'll stop and get some pops to drink

 **hunkules:** i just made a bunch of cookies yesterday too so you can fight over them!!!!

 **armstrong:** YESSSSSSSS ILL BE THERE AS SOON AS IM OFF OF WORK

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ill stop by at like 8 i need to run home

 **armstrong:** ??????

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** puppy needs love

 **armstrong:** !!!!!!! yes i lied im going to keiths to play with puppy and we can just come together

 **twintwin:** Allura, do you want a ride?

 **alluring:** yes, please!

 **hunkules:** ok meet at our place at 8

 

               **armstrong** >>> **nonepizzawithleftkeith**

 

 **armstrong:** can we pleeeasseee take bokshiri wtih us to hunk and pidge's house

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i thought coran was allergic to dog and cat hair?

 **armstrong:** aw man. i just want to snuggle her forever. do you think co=ran would be ok for one night?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** her name literally means fluffy. no he wont be ok

 **armstrong:** maybe theyre not serious allergies!!!

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** why are you asking me? just message group chat

 **armstrong:** oh right ok

 

              _You have entered the conversation:_ **'the trash compactor'**

 

 **armstrong:** CAN WE BRING BOKSHIRI OR ARE ALLERGIES TOO BAD

 **twintwin:** We've had this conversation before?

 **armstrong:** ... we have

 **twintwin:** Yes! You can bring her. My allergies aren't really that awful this time of year, I'll just take some medicine.

 **armstrong:** OH MY GOD THANKS CORAN YUORE THE BEST

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** see was that so hard

 **armstrong:** ok shut up mom i dont need your sass

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** youre walking to their place tonight

 **armstrong:** whatever. see yall later!!

 

          _You have entered the conversation:_ **'the trash compactor'**

 

 **alluring:** as much fun as last night was, can we agree to stop sitting on the floor like savages?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yeah i wasn't thinking that one thru. sorry

 **armstrong:** oh come on!!!! bokshiri was cute covered in sauce!!!!

 **hunkules:** my couch was not as cute covered in sauce

 **hunkules:** or my carpet

 **hunkules:** or my chair

 **hunkules:** or my clothes

 **armstrong:** .........noted

 **armstrong:** but she was so happy!!!!

 **pidgeotto:** until she passed out??

 **armstrong:** from excitement!!

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** or more likely the fact that she ate like an entire pizza

 **armstrong:** yall are party poopers let her live

 **alluring:** perhaps next time we decide to bring the puppy we should go to my place?

 **twintwin:** Right, because there is a fence for when she gets too rowdy.

 **shirolebeouf:** I also have a fence!

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ok but i think your dogs can eat mine

 **shirolebeouf:** oh they wouldn't do that

 **shirolebeouf:** i mean, probably.

 **pidgeotto** : i was just impressed that allura can not only bench shiro, but also squat with him on her back

 **pidgeotto** : i mean. i know squattings easier but it looks a lot harder to lift someone up than to bench someone

 **armstrong** : #BuffMom

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** next time lets see if she can bench hunk

 **alluring:** you're on!

 **armstrong:** who wants to go to lunch woth me today!! im in the mood for greasy garbage food

 **hunkules:** eh pass i brought food

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ill come i guess

 **shirolebeouf:** ill be there!

 **pidgeotto:** no thanks hunk brought me food

 **alluring:** I'm meeting Nyma for lunch, sorry.

 **twintwin:** I suppose I could go, but only after 12:30

 **armstrong:** ok good who;s driving

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** well all your shit is in my backseat so i guess youre driving

 **armstrong:** ...........noted

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** stop saying that every time someone calls you out on something

 **armstrong:** ...................noted

 **hunkules:** why do we put up with you again >

 **armstrong:** because im the prettiest and the funniest

 **hunkules:** oh riiiiiiight i forgot

 **armstrong:** <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lance's spanish:  
> mierda- oh shit, damn, etc.  
> meapilas- hypocrite (its like. "bible thumper" technically, but its used in general just to mean a hypocrite or an idiot)


	5. Form Voltron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to add, especially after last chapter, that all events occurring in this story are real things I've experienced. The whole heatstroke twisting an ankle thing? Real. (I was the one who got lost... #SorryNotSorry) And the following chapter wasn't my workplace, it was my father's, but still real.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

              **alluring** >>> **twintwin**

 

 **alluring:** is it just me or is something off with Shiro today?

 **twintwin:** I sort of thought that myself.

 **alluring:** hmm. it doesn't seem like he's very upset though, does it? just sort of...

 **twintwin:** Angry almost seems appropriate.

 **alluring:** yes! but Shiro doesn't get angry.

 **alluring:** does he?

 

              _You have entered the conversation: '_ **the trash compactor'**

**hunkules:** dude i saw somebody today that looked exactly like Annabelle!!!!!!!

 **hunkules:** like same clothes, same face, same weird walk it was crazy

 **armstrong:** are yuo sure it wasnt her????? s he coukd be coming back to haunt us

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** whos annabelle

 **armstrong:** just this weird girl from college. really nice, just....... not the brightest?

 **hunkules:** yeah and she was really clumsy all the time and got lost a lot

 **armstrong:** she was in our seminar group for like first week intros or whatever and she got lost ALLLL THE TIME i dont even know how she did it

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** where did you see her? maybe it is the same girl

 **hunkules:** nah it wasnt her, she was too tall. i just saw her while i was eating lunch

 **armstrong:** ohhhhhhhhhhh did you go to see ur giiiiiirrlfrieeendd?????

 **hunkules:** shes not my girlfriend!!!!

 **armstrong:** but u want her to be

 **hunkules:** no i just think shes cool!!!!!!!!!

 **pidgeotto:** oh r u talkin abt the waitress

 **armstrong:** yes

 **hunkules:** no

 **hunkules:** no we're not talking about her!!!

 **pidgeotto:** idk man she cute

 **pidgeotto:** i say go for it

 **armstrong:** XACTLY that way ur not so 'tfw no gf' all the time anymore

 **hunkules:** ive literally never been like that????????

 **armstrong:** yeah ur right. ur a ray of sunshine what was i thinking??

 **armstrong:** i couldnt passs it up i guess

 **twintwin:** Where does she work?

 **armstrong:** that cute little cafe obver on 5th

 **twintwin:** Oh! With the little pies! I love that place.  <3

 **armstrong:** so does hunkypoo  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

**hunkules:** STOPPPPPP

 **alluring:** Shiro, where are you? I just went to check your office and you weren't there.

 **shirolebeouf:** sorry, I'm making some copies. be back in a sec

 

              **alluring** >>> **shirolebeouf**

 

 **alluring:** don't worry about coming back to the office. I just wanted to check on you!

 **shirolebeouf:** on me? why?

 **alluring:** you just seem a little down in the dumps today is all.

 **shirolebeouf:** really?

 **alluring:** yes. so is anything bothering you?

 **shirolebeouf:** not at all

 **alluring:** ok. just know that you can come talk to me if you need to!

 **shirolebeouf:** Allura, I've always known that

 **alluring:** <3

 **shirolebeouf:** <3

 

              _You have entered the conversation:_ **'the trash compactor'**

 

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** shiro are you still making copies

 **shirolebeouf:** yes what's up?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ok you should stop and get me a cup of coffee on your way up

 **shirolebeouf:** sure!

 

               **nonepizzawithleftkeith** >>> **armstrong**

 

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yo have you talked to shiro yet today

 **armstrong:** mmmmmmmmmmmm no

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ok. somethings up

 **armstrong:** waht do you mean??

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** idk hes just. not the usual shiro today

 **armstrong:** whAT

 **armstrong:** THIS IS A NTIONAL EMERGENCY SOMEONE NEEDS TO SAVE SHIRO

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** chill dude i dont think its serious i think somethings just bugging him

 **armstrong:** ok but what EVER bugs shirio?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** shirio

 **armstrong:** honey nut shirios

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** would it kill you to turn on autocorrect

 **armstrong:** nbut then we wouldnt get gems like honey nut shirios!!!!!!

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** mm. i see your point

 

              _You have entered the conversation: '_ **the trash compactor'**

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** let it be known shiro's the best and my fave, because he brings me coffee

 **shirolebeouf:** <3

 **armstrong:** ¿que QUE?

 **armstrong:** ¿que me dijiste?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** you heard me

 **armstrong:** su opinión me importa un pimiento

**hunkules:** i know you love speaking spanish to confuse the rest of us but google translate isn't helping with that one bruh

**pidgeotto:** "your opinion i give a damn"

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** just guessing that it means my opinion doesnt matter i think we ALL know it does

**armstrong:** .......well shiro's my favorite too so i guess i understand

**shirolebeouf:** <3

**armstrong:** shiro ur quiet???? whats up today

**shirolebeouf:** everyone thinks something's wrong with me today!

**armstrong:** so what is it?

**shirolebeouf:** nothing!

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** what is it?

**shirolebeouf:** noTHING!

**hunkules:** what is it? 

**shirolebeouf:** NOTHING!

**pidgeotto:** what is it?

**shirolebeouf:** alright fine! you got me!

**shirolebeouf:** I'm upset because Zarkon was talking smack this morning and I would like nothing more than to beat him at his own game!

**shirolebeouf:** he's such a stuck-up pompous asswipe!

**shirolebeouf:** and that goes for Haggar too! and Sendak! and Thace!

**armstrong:** dude why  didnt u just say that

**hunkules:** i completely understand i have to deal with complaints about them daily??? but they're minor so bosses don't do shit about it!!!

**shirolebeouf:** i just didn't want to admit that I let them get to me.

**alluring:** you can be so dense sometimes, Shiro.

**twintwin:** I have an idea!  >:0

**pidgeotto:** ??

**twintwin:** You'll see!

 

             _You have entered the conversation:_ **'the trash compactor'**

 

**shirolebeouf:** Coran, was that idea you had the other day to call that ridiculous meeting?

**twintwin:** :3c

**shirolebeouf:** that was beautiful. thank you, Coran

**twintwin:** It's what I'm here for!

**armstrong:** what meeting?

**twintwin:** I scheduled a very long meeting, full of menial tasks and things we didn't really need to discuss, and then told everyone I had to leave five minutes in and left them in there to discuss things amongst themselves for an hour and a half.

**armstrong:** tahts amAZING

**armstrong:** i loev you Coran

**twintwin:** <3333

**shirolebeouf:** I found a way to completely pulverize Zarkon and his lackeys

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** sign me up

 

             _**pidgeotto** has sent the image: good-shit-op.png_

 

**hunkules:** what is it tho???????

**shirolebeouf:** softball league's coming up

**armstrong:** i AM SO IN OH MY GOD

**alluring:** they don't stand a chance against us, this is perfect

**armstrong:** we need a name

**armstrong:** a beautiful team name

**pidgeotto:** 'we dem boys'

**armstrong:** YES

**hunkules:** NO

**pidgeotto:** /:

**armstrong:** something epic, like Zarkon Smashers 4000

**shirolebeouf:** real subtle, lance

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** what about duga boja

**armstrong:** type it in korean so i can translate it

**nonepizzawithleftkeith:** 두고 보자 

**armstrong:** HA

**armstrong:** YES

**alluring:** it should be something taunting that they can actually UNDERSTAND, you two.

**hunkules:** mmmmmmm

**pidgeotto:** it hurts to think

**hunkules:** pidge your like the smartest one here shut up

**pidgeotto:** thank u???

**hunkules:** youre welcome

**shirolebeouf:** i've got it!

**alluring:** yes?

**shirolebeouf:** let's form voltron

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lance's spanish:  
> que que: basically a goofy way of saying 'exCUSE ME'  
> que me dijiste: what'd you say?  
> su opinión me importa un pimiento: your opinion is as important as a pepper (basically i could care less about your opinion)
> 
> also if you didn't translate keith's korean, it's a taunt that's basically like "two can play at that game" (I think it translates literally to "we'll see?")


	6. Smells Like Team Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok late update, sorry, uni is kinda sorta kicking my butt this semester?? So updates might be a lil irregular but they'll still be about every week/week and a half. Also? Sorry this was gonna have a LOT more plot like i was gonna introduce characters, it was gonna be great, but then. It didn't happen. My apologies :))) Enjoy though!

_You have entered the conversation: '_ **the trash compactor'**

 

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ok i love kurt cobain don't get me wrong

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** but wtf does "a mulatto an albino a mosquito my libido" mean

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ik he was on drugs but damn

 **pidgeotto:** he got the libido of a mosquito and his mulattos an albino

 **armstrong:** whats a mullatto

 **hunkules:** a mulatto is someone who has one white parent and one black parent

 **hunkules:** so maybe his mulatto is an albino but no one knows bc they dont have pigment so hes gotta sing to announce it to the world!!!!!!

 **pidgeotto:** what song is that from?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** smells like teen spirit?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** pretty much the only song anyone knows by him?

 **pidgeotto:** u think i actually kno the lyrics?

 **pidgeotto:** not everyones as emo as u lmao

 **armstrong:** my whole lifee the whole 'mulaatto albino libido' shit was just

 **armstrong:** whats that word that means like a lot of random noises someones making??

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** nonsense

 **hunkules:** no he meant gibberish

 **armstrong:** yeah that

 **armstrong:** how come hunkypoo nkows me better than my own boyfriend???????

 **pidgeotto:** i think its safe to say u nd hunk have transcended the bf level

 **pidgeotto:** ur like. platonic soulmates

 **armstrong:** we're bromates

 **hunkules:** bro  <3

 **armstrong:** <3

 **pidgeotto:** allura does this mean ur my bromate

 **alluring:** of course, pidge

 **alluring:** I'll always be your bromate!

 **pidgeotto:** my bromates better than urs

 **hunkules:** true

 **armstrong:** yeah ur right

 **alluring:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **shirolebeouf:** where's my bromate?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** alas, we're bromate-less

 **armstrong:** did u serously just say alas

 **shirolebeouf:** looks like it's just you, me, and Coran to fend for ourselves

 **twintwin:** Can't say I'm actually disappointed about not having a "bromate"... :0

 **armstrong:** u love us corana banana don't lie

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** lets agree to never use the term 'corana banana' again

 **hunkules:** agreed

 **pidgeotto:** ^

 **alluring:** ^^^^^

 **twintwin:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 **armstrong:** ok geez tough crowd

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** shiro did you sign us up for softball league?

 **shirolebeouf:** yes, voltron is ready to go kick ass

 **hunkules:** what was their teams name??????

 **shirolebeouf:** idk, there were lots of names up already.

 **shirolebeouf:** i didnt bother to look for the list of names for each team

 **shirolebeouf:** some were pretty funny actually. these people are creative

 **armstrong:** i bet zarkons team has a really dubm name

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** you dont get to call people dumb when you cant spell the damn word

 **armstrong:** YOU;RE dubm

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** your face is dubm

 **armstrong:** your HAIR is dubm

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:ok** ill cut it then

 **armstrong:** no no wait i take it back ur hair is lovely and so are u

 

_**armstrong** has sent the image: babycomeback.png_

 

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** thats what i thought

 **pidgeotto:** if keith grew out his bangs, we could have emo kurt cobain on our team

 **pidgeotto:** thatd rlly scare zarkon

 **twintwin:** Can you get more emo than Kurt Cobain? Asking seriously. I don't know him but I've heard of him.

 **pidgeotto:** ..........excellent point idk if keith could beat that?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** fuck off nirvana's grunge

 **pidgeotto:** yeah ok sure

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ....................../´¯/)............  
                                      ....................,/¯../..............  
                                      .................../..../................  
                                      ............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸.....  
                                      ........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\\....  
                                      ........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')......  
                                      .........\\.................'...../.......  
                                      ..........\\............... _.·´........  
                                      ...........\\...............(.............  
                                      ............\\..............\\............

 **pidgeotto:** did u. type that out just now?

 **hunkules:** your dubm argument aside, have we decided whos infield and whos outfield yet????

 **shirolebeouf:** hmm. Pidge should definitely be pitcher, they're the best at it.

 **pidgeotto:** all those years of bein a slave to coach brandi paid off ig

 **hunkules:** kiddie softball league ftw!!!!!!!!!

 **shirolebeouf:** Allura, are you ok with first base?

 **alluring:** actually, I remember Keith being quite good at that when we played kickball that one time. perhaps he would be more suited to it?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** im ok with that

 **alluring:** I'll play second or third then.

 **shirolebeouf:** Coran can probably play infield as well.

 **shirolebeouf:** I think some of the people I rounded up to finish up the team would be better at infield.

 **armstrong:** so u me hunk and who else in outfield?

 **hunkules:** actually I think catcher would be better for me!!!

 **armstrong:** ok! cool

 **shirolebeouf:** we'll just stick Kermit and Toni in the outfield and Queen can take infield

 **armstrong:**  madre míA

 **armstrong:** YOU DIDNT TELL ME QUEEN WAS ON OUR TEAM

 **alluring:** is Queen the tall woman from marketing?

 **armstrong:** with the beautiful hair? yes. with the pretty brown  eyes? yes. wiTH THE LEGS? YES

 **shirolebeouf:** now you know why I didn't tell you she was playing with us.

 **shirolebeouf:** we could use her on the team and I figured you'd scare her off.

 **armstrong:** i wouLD NEVER

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yes you would?

 **armstrong:** hunk back me up

 **hunkules:** you;d terrify that poor girl lance who are you kidding?????????

 **armstrong:** so its gotta be like tgat

 **pidgeotto:** terrifying pretty girls is what u do. its ur m.o.

 **armstrong:** noooooo uve got me mistaken my friend

 **alluring:** I can't believe Queen is playing with us. This is the greatest day of my life!

 **shirolebeouf:** don't you already have a gf?

 **alluring:** your point?

 **armstrong:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **alluring:** I can have a crush on a pretty girl!!! Let me live dad!!!

 **armstrong:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHE CALLED U DAD LMAO

 **pidgeotto:** i call bs u never let me call shiro dad

 **alluring:** he's especially dad-like today.

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** true, he did the shoulder clap thing when i was getting coffee

 **hunkules:** yes ditto

 **hunkules:** he made an awful dad joke today

 **shirolebeouf:** that was funny! you laughed!

 **hunkules:** that doesn't change the fact that it also made me groan and it was cliche

 **shirolebeouf:** I'm offended that you would play me like that.

 **twintwin:** We discussed facial hair today, which seems pretty fatherly to me.

 **armstrong:** ??? like yuo talked about your mustache or???

 **twintwin:** Well yes, and we weighed the pros and cons of him not shaving.

 **armstrong:** DONT SHIROI

 **armstrong:** YOUH AVE TO SHAVE

 **armstrong:** I IWLL DUMP KEITH IF YOI GROW A BEARD I WONT LAST

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i'd kick your ass but youre right. i couldnt handle that either

 **shirolebeouf:** ok ok, geez, I'll shave!

 **shirolebeouf:** that's pretty much what we decided anyway

 **pidgeotto:** so shiro is dad but also daddy rn

 **armstrong:** yes  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **alluring:** NO I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!!!!!

 **alluring:** NO MORE "DADDY"

 **alluring:** NEVER "DADDY" SHIRO AGAIN

 **armstrong:** ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°) ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°) ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°) ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°) ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°) ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)

 **alluring:** good.

 **hunkules:** we need to get together sometime and practice because i am more than a little rusty!!!!!!!

 **pidgeotto:** hunk i can practice pitching if youll catch for me

 **armstrong:** please. never sahy that ever agian. please.

 **pidgeotto:** >:000000 gross

 **armstrong:** IM SORRY U SAID IT

 **shirolebeouf:** Lance aside, i agree Hunk! Sounds good.

 **hunkules:** i like how you said 'lance aside' not 'lance's comment aside' like. yeah just excuse everything about lance for a minute

 **twintwin:** Not exactly wrong though..... :0

 **alluring:** I'll mull it over on my break and figure out some times when we're all free!

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** let's leave all the scheduling to allura and coran bc theyre the most organized

 **pidgeotto:** you mean theyre organized, period. that automatically makes them the most organized

 **armstrong:** idk shiro seems kinda put togehter??

 **alluring:** HA

 **alluring:** YEAH RIGHT!

 **alluring:** The true secret behind Shiro being so fatherly is to trick us all into thinking he knows what he's doing.

 **pidgeotto:** #draggt

 **shirolebeouf:** ouch, but true

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance's spanish:  
> madre mía: literally 'my mother', it just is an expression of surprise
> 
> I actually love Nirvana btw.... like that shit was my jam as a kid..... my friends give me shit for it 24/7 so it was bound to show up in this fic eventually


	7. Emo Crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I had 3 exams this week so I didn't have time to sit down and actually write a plot-based chapter... but I felt guilty about going so long without posting anything!! So enjoy this little snippet (based on unfortunate, true events.... i'll let u guess which one I am)
> 
> Headcanon that Coran is into new pop music and old, happy songs.

      _You have entered the conversation: '_ **Group MMS'**

 

              **armstrong** has added **shirolebeouf, hunkules, pidgeotto, alluring,** and **twintwin** to the conversation

 

 **armstrong:** yuo guys

 **armstrong:** i am going inSANE

 **alluring:** what's wrong, Lance?

 

             _**armstrong** renamed the conversation_ : **'#StopKeith2k16'**

 

 **armstrong:** ok at frist it was fine. keith wore headphones a lot and was busy a lot and we stoppped going on dates fro a few nights

 **armstrong:** like nbd i get sometimes you want a lil space

 **armstrong:** but then i realized that he was being a lil weird

 **hunkules:** weird how??????/ keith never really was that affectionate........

 **armstrong:** well he had his music up so loud he couldnt hear me so i took it out and he didnt care for once which was

 **armstrong:** odd

 **armstrong:** but then i could hea the music playing and it was this like. reeally slow song that id never heard before? i could hear something about kissing and lips and i was a lil weirded out bc  keith doesnt listen to that

 **shirolebeouf:** so how does this relate to your sanity?

 **armstrong:** it gets wORSE

 **armstrong:** he decided to finally go out to dinner on wednesday and so he picked me up and had the music low

 **armstrong:** and it was that song again

 **armstrong:** which was a funny coincidence but like. after about five minuts in the car i realzied the song hadnt changed

 **pidgeotto:** literally where is the point

 **armstrong:** im getting there you troll gimme a sec damn

 **armstrong:** so i stopped talking and paid attention and it wasn't a long song. he had it on repepat. he was listening to this song on repeat forever.

 **armstrong:** i askeed him what it was and he said it was this new song that his fave band covered?????

 **armstrong:** and then just casually mentioned that it was the only song hed listened to since he heard it for the first time on saturday

 **twintwin:** And this drives you insane because...?

 **armstrong:** first off, im sorry but no reaction ????? we all know how much keith listens to his music he mustve heard that song like 100 times a day for five days at that point

 **armstrong:** sedcodly its driving me up the wall because he stiLL HASNT STOPPED LISTENING TO IT

 **armstrong:** ITS BEEN  A WEEK AND EVERY TIME I SEE HIM HE HAS HIS EARBUDS IN AND IS IGNORING ME

 **armstrong:** EVEN WHEN HE FINALLY AGREES TO GO SOMEWHERE WE GET IN THE CAR AND HE PIUTS THAT SONG ON REPEAT LIKE GODDAMN TAKE A BREAK

 **pidgeotto:** waht sthe song

 **armstrong:** i didn't ask?????? it's like. an emo song by an emo band covered by a new emo band. but it sounds really pop or somehting. like idk man its an ok song and i think ive heard the orignal before now that ive heard it a billion times but.

 **hunkules:** i'm sure he'll stop eventually??????

 **armstrong:** Hunk.

 **armstrong:** It's Been A Week.

 **hunkules:** so he's gotta get tired eventually!!!!!!!!!!

 **armstrong:** No, He's Too Emo

 **armstrong:** He's Too Strong

 **pidgeotto:** emo nd strong shouldnt be used in the same sentence tbh

 **armstrong:** You Don't Understand Pidge

 **shirolebeouf:** the way you're typing is scaring me;;;

 **armstrong:** Shiro, my father, my man, keith listens to u. please stop this monster.

 **shirolebeouf:** i will.... ask him about it.

 **armstrong:** T H A NK Y O U

 

              **shirolebeouf >>>nonepizzawithleftkeith**

 

 **shirolebeouf:** hey Keith, I heard you've got a new song you really like?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** did lance talk to you

 **shirolebeouf:** um yeah, actually how'd you know?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** he told me yesterday i loved the song more than him

 **shirolebeouf:** well. you have been paying it a lot of attention.

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** well yeah its kinda my fave song

 **shirolebeouf:** we noticed... don't you think you're listening to it a bit excessively?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** what do you mean

 **shirolebeouf:** is it true you haven't listened to ANYTHING else since you've listened to this song?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yeah

 **shirolebeouf:** and it's been a week since you heard it?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yeah?

 **shirolebeouf:** that's... not excessive to you???

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i mean. not really

 **shirolebeouf:** HOW?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** idk. when the album the original came from came out i listened to it on repeat for like a month, and then continued to listen to it almost exclusively for another five months

 **shirloebeouf:** ok I can't do this

 

              _You have entered the conversation_ : **'#StopKeith2k16'**

 

 **shirolebeouf:** I can't.

 **shirolebeouf:** he honestly thinks this is normal

 **shirolebeouf:** there's no saving him

 **armstrong:** NOOOOOOO SHIRO YOU HAVE TO KEEP TRYING

 **shirolebeouf:** he sees no error in his ways there's nothing I can do for him

 **hunkules:** just let him listen to the song he'll get tired eventually??????????///

 **shirolebeouf:** no he won't Hunk.

 **shirolebeouf:** this will go on for months if we don't stop him

 **armstrong:** SEEEEEEEEE

 **armstrong:** I TOLD YOU SO

 **twintwin:** Maybe we need to find him a new song?

 **armstrong:** i doubt it'l;; work. but its worth a shot

 **twintwin:** On it!

 

              **twintwin >>>nonepizzawithleftkeith**

 

 **twintwin:** Keith! Have you heard the song 'Ring My Bell' by Anita Ward?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yes what about it

 **twintwin:** Oh. I just thought it was a song you would like!

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yeah its like. fun to sing in the shower and stuff i guess

 **twintwin:** Oh.

 **twintwin:** So... What about..... 'Brand New Key' by Melanie Safka? :0

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yeah i like that one too.

 **twintwin:** Really?

 **twintwin:** You've already heard all of these songs.... :[

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** thats ok. its really nice of you to rec me songs you think id like

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** speaking of my friend lamar said lady gaga came out with a new song have you heard it yet?

 **twintwin:** No, I haven't! I'll go listen to it now!

 

              _You have entered the conversation:_ **'#StopKeith2k16'**

 

 **alluring:** Coran? Did it work?

 **twintwin:** Oh.

 **twintwin:** No, it didn't. :///

 **twintwin:** His heart is made of gold, let him listen to his song!

 **armstrong:** C O R A N

 **armstrong:** i shoulda known his love for u would get in the way.......

 **hunkules:** lance i really think you should just let him get it out of his system!!!!

 **armstrong:** HUNK

 **armstrong:** YOU DATE HIM FOR A WEEK AND THEN LEMME KNOW HOW U FEELE ABT THIS GODDAMN SONG

 **pidgeotto:** ok lemme try

 **shirolebeouf:** godspeed

 

              **pidgeotto >>>nonepizzawithleftkeith**

 

 **pidgeotto:** lance is freakin out lmao how much lonmger do u think u can listen to whatever song this is?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ?? i mean. ill stop listening when i get tired of it

 **pidgeotto:** ok but like.

 **pidgeotto:** consider

 **pidgeotto:** if u listen to it as much as possible around lance

 **pidgeotto:** hes gonna go batshit

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i like the way you think

 **pidgeotto:** >:3c

 

              _You have entered the conversation:_ **'#StopKeith2k16'**

 

 **pidgeotto:** sry guys i cant get thru to him

 **armstrong:** i expected this pidge its ok

 **alluring:** I'm sure I could get him to stop? Although at this point I think it might just be to spite you, Lance.

 **armstrong:** i thought that too but who can hoenstly listen to a song that much out of pure spite

 **armstrong:** ok i take that back he definitely could and would do that

 **armstrong:** but i think he just genuinely likes this shit

 **alluring:** I'll give it a try.

 **hunkules:** good luck!!!!!1

 

              **pidgeotto >>>alluring**

 

 **pidgeotto:** allura dont

 **alluring:** why?

 **pidgeotto:** bc

 **alluring:** Pidge.

 **pidgeotto:** i wanna see lance go insane ):

 **alluring:** PIDGE did you even talk to him?

 **pidgeotto:** yeah but it wasnt abt the song lmao

 **alluring:** Pidge.

 **pidgeotto:** nooooooooo

 **alluring:** I'm still going to talk to him.

 **pidgeotto:** ill bring u a bath bomb after work

 **alluring:** .... go on.

 **pidgeotto:** aaaaaaaaaaand chocolate?

 **alluring:** hmmmmmm

 **pidgeotto:** AND ill let u borrow those shoes u like

 **alluring:** done

 

              _You have entered the conversation:_ **'#StopKeith2k16'**

 

 **alluring:** I couldn't save him.

 **pidgeotto:** aw shucks

 **armstrong:** its fine. ill just accept my fate and haunt him for the rest of my life after i die

 **hunkules:** lance just drive yourself around and then you can control the radio

 **armstrong:** ok..... but..... gas money?????

 **hunkules:** LANCE YOU MOOCH!!!!!!!

 **armstrong:** im just gonna let him live for a while and thne break up with him if he doesnt stop listening to the song

 **shirolebeouf:** Lance.

 **armstrong:** WHAT

 **shirolebeouf:** just talk to him. he'll understand.

 **armstrong:** FINE

 

              **armstrong >>>nonepizzawithleftkeith**

 

 **armstrong:** hey babe

 **armstrong:** mind telling me WHY you love this song to fdeath?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ill tell you the real reason if you promise not to make fun of me

 **armstrong:** of course not

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** ok. well its just that, in high school, no one was really around, you know? i didn't have friends, my family was practically nonexistant, but this band really got me. i loved their music, fell head over heels in love with every song, and didnt stop listening to their albums for months on end. and then they kind of died out, and eventually the band broke up. but here comes this new band, similar in style but not really the same as the old one, and i loved all of their music too. and three albums later, they cover my favorite song from the old band. wouldnt you feel the same way?

 **armstrong:** that was surprisingly deep. sorry for dragging everyone into this

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** its ok lance i dont mind

 **armstrong:** how many times have you listened to the song?

 **nonepizzazwithleftkeith:** lemme check

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** 378

 **armstrong:** in a rOW?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** yeah. but i also listened to it like 5-10 times before i bought it

 **armstrong:** .... keith i love you but you have a problem

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** you never even listened to it

 **armstrong:** ok point taken but

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** come to my cubicle for lunch and we can listen together. youll see

 **armstrong:** alright  <3

 

              _You have entered the conversation:_ **'#StopKeith2k16'**

 

 **armstrong:** crisis averted guys

 **armstrong:** its actually a really good song

 **armstrong:** i think im gonna listen to it for a while too

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: my friend was so mad at me bc i drove her home saturday night (she doesn't have a car) and it's an hour drive from campus and i wouldn't stop playing this song (it's cancer by twenty one pilots by the way, if you couldn't tell from the chapter) and when i told her why i loved the song so much we pulled over and had a long heart to heart and ended up crying all over each other so. music can be powerful kids 
> 
> (even if its emo)


	8. UPDATE

Hi, this is not a chapter. :P

For those of you who don't know me personally, this is my first year in college. And I severely underestimated the amount of work I would have with all the classes I took????

Basically what I'm getting at is the update never came because I got SLAMMED with a lot of work... I'm busy all werkend this weekend but agter that my weekends should be free!! So you can expect weekly updates to continue soon. I already have next chapter started, just not refined yet. So. That's a thing. 

See you all at the next update!! Hope you didnt lose hope!!


	9. Grind Never Stops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I figure 'why not kick off a big break with a new character??' Guess who'll be in the next chapter!!!! I'm excited. This is a bit shorter but I wrote it during dead week so hopefully after finals I can write something longer!! Thanks for waiting for me to catch up with my life lmao :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO IMPORTANT NOTE: This might update weekly over the summer, or every two weeks, but I have an 8 day geology class coming up where I will have a) no free time and b) no internet in the desert. So. Don't expect an update until somewhere around the beginning of june!!

_You have entered the conversation:_ **'the trash compactor'**

 

 **armstrong:** hey hey hey

 **armstrong:** we getting together for practice tonight?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** how do you have so much stamina

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** im still tired from yesterday

 **twintwin:** I agree! I think we should take a break. :000

 **shirolebeouf:** I'd be okay with practicing, even if its just a little while

 **hunkules:** same!!!!!!!!!

 **armstrong:** yall are ridiculous! if were gonna drag zarkons dumb face through the mud tomorrow we need to get as much time in as possible!

 **hunkules:** ok. but. we could not practice for four hours daily???????

 **shirolebeouf:** yeah yesterday was kinda rough.

 **armstrong:** but we;re stronger bc of it

 **pidgeotto:** we're also lifeless and sore because of it.

 **armstrong:** point taken

 **armstrong:** ufggghhhhhh i just wanna beat them. did we even find out their team name??

 **hunkules:** yes and i wish we would have thought of it!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **alluring:** what is it?

 **hunkules:** sons of pitches

 **pidgeotto:** ITS A PUN

 **armstrong:** i want to slap zarkon in the face

 **armstrong:** also food. lets eat if we;re not gonna practice tongiht

 **twintwin:** I get off at 8:30 tonight!

 **armstrong:** ughhhhhhhhhhhh im so hungry coran ur makin us wait so long

 **armstrong:** i mean im still gonna wait for u but. :/

 **twintwin:** i will hurry so we can leave right away!!

 **hunkules:** where are we going?

 **armstrong:** let'ss go see your girlfriend!!!!!!!!

 **hunkules:** SHES NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **hunkules:** besides, she's not working tonight.

 **armstrong:** EVEN BETTER

 **armstrong:** INVITE HER

 **hunkules:** i can't do that!!!!!! we just met!!!!!!!! how do i even ask!!!!!!!!!! she doesnt want to go out with me and my friends!!!!!!!!!!!111

 **pidgeotto:** just say 'sup lets get somefood'

 **pidgeotto:** guaranteed to work, 100% success rate

 **hunkules:** nooooooooooo be real shes like. so cute and nice and funny all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **hunkules:** i cant just ask her to dinner!!!!!!!!!1

 **alluring:** isn't this good?

 **alluring:** now you can ask her out to dinner, but since it's with friends it won't seem like a date!

 **twintwin:** Win/win! It's perfect. :0

 **hunkules:** i guess. maybe.

 **hunkules:** ok. im gonna ask her!!!!!!!!!

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** its cute that hunks so smitten

 **pidgeotto:** its cute that you said the word cute

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i can be cute sometimes

 **armstrong:** HA!

 **armstrong:** MY TIME HAS COME

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** whatever youre about to do, don't

 

              _**armstrong** has sent the image: drooling.png_

 

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** you took pics of me sleeping?

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** i cant believe you

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:**   actually I can believe that youd do this

 **armstrong:** look how cute yo are!!!!!!1

 **armstrong:** how could i resist that face

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** alright, you asked for this

 

              _**nonepizzawithleftkeith** has sent the video: karaoke-night.mov_

 

 **armstrong:** DELETE THAT THIS INSTANT YOU MONSTER

 **nonepizzawithleftkeith:** lance tried to justify the awful singing into the hairbrush and dancing cliche by saying he had watched hairspray a few hours earlier

 **armstrong:** ok  cabrón lets take this outside

**hunkules:** ive seen many things like this back when i lived with lance but. this might take the cake

**pidgeotto:** i wish i could frame videos

**hunkules:** we could put it in our living room!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**pidgeotto:** and then throw a party so everyone could see it

**hunkules:** yeah!!!!!!!!!!!

**armstrong:** or not

**shirolebeouf:** that's. exactly something I'd expect from Lance. I can't even be surprised.

**armstrong:** dad why are yuo like this

**alluring:** No! don't call him dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**armstrong:** but mooooooooom

**alluring:** no buts!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**armstrong:** I hate this family

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> A guide to the usernames:
> 
> shirolebeouf: a play on actual cannibal, Shia Lebeouf  
> nonepizzawithleftkeith: based on what is arguably the best tumblr meme, none pizza with left beef  
> armstrong: a play on Lance Armstrong  
> pidgeotto: a pokemon and probably the reason Pidge chose that as their name after coming out tbh  
> hunkules: from one of the Muses in Hercules "Honey, you mean HUNKules"  
> alluring: face it, she's alluring  
> twintwin: a French music group known for their eurovision hit, Moustache (which i love tbh it's a catchy song)
> 
> that's all for now!! I'll describe more usernames as more characters show up :)))


End file.
